Change of Plans Yet Again

I wrote the previous post Thursday night while sitting alone at the hotel bar drinking a gin and tonic and eating a cheeseburger. It was exactly what I needed: a place where I didn’t have any expectations or obligations, where I wasn’t defined as a mom, wife, coworker, employee, friend, functioning adult.  I could just be the “gin and tonic” at the bar. 

By Friday morning Ange was knocking on my hotel door and Dana showed up later that afternoon. My 48 hours of wallowing in self pity and crying quickly morphed into a girls night away. 

I am still not 100% sure how it happened, although it appears I accidentally invited Ange when I arrived Thursday afternoon. And while I tried to rescind the offer after a glass of wine later that night, it was too late, the wheels were in motion.  And when she showed up at 10:30 am asking about the espresso martini machine at the bar, I knew I needed to call in assistance.  Unfortunately, while Dana was a good drinking buddy for Ange, she also showed up stating that she was “ready to drink whiskey and get in a bar fight.”

So much for having a moment of peace to breathe.  

Fake bitching aside, their company was a good distraction and a much needed slap to pull myself together. Yes, things are sad right now but in perspective I am going to be okay. I still have a great job while many don’t, I have a great team and an amazing family and group of friends.

Change of Plans

Martin and I have tried, twice now, to go to Napa for a romantic weekend.  First, in November, which we had to cancel because he was sick.  And just recently this past weekend, which we also had to cancel because my parents were sick. 

But after the month I have had, I wasn’t going to let that stop me from getting away. Every man and woman for themselves… I left Martin with the kids and finally took the trip solo.  

While it might sound heartless, let me try to explain: On January 4 my company announced that it would lay off approximately 10% of our workforce. It unfortunately wasn’t a surprise to me, I had been working on the project since October but it still hit home that day.  For the following four weeks I would sporadically and unprovoked break down crying. And just as I was starting to get a grip on life again, this past week I found out my boss, the whole reason why I came back to this company and stayed at my job for so long, was being let go as part of the restructuring plan we had both been working on for months.  I was devastated, shocked, numb. 

I needed a break from life, a chance to let me process what was happening, go through the stages of grief and not have to pretend everything was okay. I told Martin Tuesday night that, if the worst happened, I would need to disappear for a few nights. Shit hit the fan on Wednesday afternoon and that evening I told the kids that I was going away for two nights. 

With last minute flights being too expensive and the weather limiting my options, Thursday afternoon I found myself alone at the very same resort I had originally planned to be at with Martin but for very different reasons. 

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn

If you didn’t immediately follow up the title with a resounding “say what?!” ala Rappers Delight then I am not sure we can be friends. But I will say go listen to it now and then come back and read this post because that song was on repeat in my head all weekend in Ukiah while we stayed at the Holiday Inn. 

And if you didn’t immediately ask why we spent a weekend in Ukiah at a Holiday Inn, then I am not sure you have been following my life for the past 15 plus years. For background, Martin found a bike race in Ukiah that he wanted to check out and he thought it would be fun to make a weekend out of it and see my sister and family at the same time. We made the weekend happen but Dana somehow missed the memo.  They already had plans to be out of town so just the four of us spent the weekend wandering around Ukiah and hanging out. 

We drove up late Friday evening and after breakfast Saturday morning at the hotel, the kids and I dropped Martin off at the starting line and then headed into town for a day of exploring. The plan: grab snacks at Schat’s bakery to take to the nearby park/playground to kill the time before meeting Martin at the finish line later that afternoon.  Apparently “killing time” in my book is buying a lot of food (snacks for the day and bread to last the week at Schat’s, crepes at the farmers market and sandwiches at the Bottle Shop), doing some window shopping (the bookstore convinced us to go inside) and hanging out at Todd Grove park. Around 2pm, time thoroughly killed, we made our way to the finish line to celebrate with Martin. 

While he didn’t win the race, the kids were still excited that he had finished and didn’t hurt himself (they might have picked that up from me) and Martin was stoked to have completed a proper race in the top third. 

That afternoon we (meaning Martin and the kids) swam in the outdoor pool (I should point out that while the pool was heated it was only 60 degrees outside), we (meaning the kids and I painted our fingernails all of the colors of the rainbow thanks to a nearby Walgreens) and then we (meaning the whole family) went out to dinner at the local Applebees. 

Overall the weekend was great: very low pressure and good times with just the family. Who would have thought a Holiday Inn in Ukiah could bring this feeling of joy?!

2022 Year in Books

Another year, and somehow an even longer list of books this year. I am starting to think I might be neglecting my kids, husband, family and friends.  But at least I am reading an eclectic variety of things!

A Calling for Charlie Barnes, Joshua Ferris

When We Cease to Understand the World, Benjamin Labatut

Our Country Friends, Gary Shteyngart

Beautiful World Where Are You, Sally Rooney

Tacky, Rax King

The Sentence, Louise Erdich 

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Anthony Doerr

Tell Me Lies (technically an audible) 

Born a Crime, Trevor Noah

But What If We Are Wrong, Chuck Klosterman

The Collective, Alison Gaylin

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Jenny Lawson

Gilead, Marilynne Robinson

Harlem Shuffle, Colson Whitehead

The Nightingale, Kristin Hannah

Tell No One, Harlan Coben

A Swim in a Pond in the Rain, George Saunders

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century

Play it Where it Lays, Joan Didion 

The Seven Sisters, Lucinda Riley 

Husband Material, Emily Belden

How Civil Wars Start, Barbara F Walter

Glory, NoViolet Bulawayo

When Women Kill, Alia Trabucco Zeran

Blood Sugar, Sascha Rothchold

The Storm Sister, Lucinda Riley

Treachery of Spies, Manda 

Trailed, Kathryn Miles

The Last Thing He Told Me, Laura Dave

Peach Blossom Spring, Melissa Fu

The Island, Adrian McKinty

God’s Shadow, Alan Mikhail

I’m Glad My Mom Died, Jennette McCurdy

The Journalist and the Murderer, Janet Malcolm

Beowulf: A New Translation, Maria Dahvana Headley

Grendel, John Gardner

The Latecomer, Jean Hanff Korelitz

Four Lost Cities, Annalee Newitz

The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan

Anxious People, Fredrik Backman

When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing, Daniel H Pink

Stranger Faces, Namwali Serpell 

Malibu Rising, Taylor Jenkins Reid

Diary of a Void, Emi Yagi

Status and Culture: How Our Desire for Social Rank Creates Taste, Identity, Art, Fashion, and Constant Change, W. David Marx

My Monticello, Jocelyn Nicole Johnson

The Family Chao, Lan Samantha Chang

The Love Prescription, Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy, John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD

The Deep Deep Snow, Brian Freeman

The Seven Husbands and Evelyn Hugo, Taylor Jenkins Reid

Verity, Colleen Hoover 

Less is Lost, Andrew Sean Greer