Bad Advice

This past weekend we went up to Pillsbury for Memorial Day weekend and to celebrate Oskar’s 7th birthday. It was a fun weekend but this post is not about the birthday but rather some terrible advice I gave and for which I need to publicly apologize. 

Saturday night I made my way over to the neighbor’s cabin for some post dinner drinks on their deck. Their son Ian is getting married this summer and it sounds like he and his fiancé are going to try to start having kids right away. Ian had many opinions and thoughts on raising kids, and most of them should not be repeated or reposted in the sober light of day, but for one concern he raised I did have an opinion. 

Ian is a self proclaimed neat freak who doesn’t like clutter or messes so he is worried about having all of the baby stuff and toys take over his house. And to be honest, this is totally a fair concern. I gave him my most recent hack and recommended buying a large basket to throw everything in at the end of each day to at least contain the clutter. And let’s be honest, this is absolute shit advice, to anyone. 

The best advice I could have and should have given: just give up. Learn to let go of perfection, deal with the mess and lean into the chaos. The sooner you stop trying to fit the old mold of pre kids life with the upcoming tornado of child rearing the better off you will be. And yes, once you embrace the mess then buy that damn basket since it may make you feel a little bit more in control of the situation than you really are. 

Fields of Flowers

After the winter we have had, I wanted some warmth and needed a break from the routine during the kids’ Spring Break.  Based on the weather reports and our preference to drive vs fly, we ended up in Paso Robles for 3 nights and no expectations.  Since the decision was made on Wednesday and we were leaving on Thursday morning, my ability to research and plan was significantly limited, however I was able to find a few gems: A WSJ Instagram post alerted me to the wildflower super bloom that might be underway and a google search informed me of Senorio, an art installation of a field of lights, that looked interesting enough for the whole family. 

So that is what we did: we spent a lot of time amongst the flowers. The flowers did not disappoint and neither did Paso Robles (much to my surprise)...As an aside, when I was in college, Paso was a farmers’ town with a small but growing wine scene. That wine scene is no longer nascent and the cowboy scene is now found only in the motifs of the trendy new motels and farmhouse style boutique shops. It appears that Paso has gone “Napa”. 

Despite the shock to my system, the warm weather, low key vibes and time spent outside (whether in a field of poppies or on the patio at the house) helped usher in the spring feeling we were needing and missing after all of the rain up north. 

Vacations Not Taken

Last year’s spring break was amazing.  Full stop.  So starting in November of last year, I began brainstorming options for another two week spring break trip to recreate that moment in time. Between November and March, I planned more than a few vacations, each with the same level of care and consideration as those previously planned and taken.  But every time I came close to actually booking anything, something stopped me: the weather forecast, driving time, a trip better suited for when the kids are older, a hesitation from deep within.  

By the end of March, we still had nothing booked, but thanks to all of my late night research, I have a few amazing vacations pre-planned and ready to go for whenever we are. 

• A road trip to see the national parks in the Southwest: flying into Las Vegas, renting a car, driving to the South Rim, Antelope Canyon, Monument Valley, onto Moab and then flying out of Salt Lake City.   
• A trip to San Diego for beaches and swimming: Staying at the Hyatt Regency Mission Bay Spa and Marina with their water slides that don’t have a height minimum, renting bikes, playing miniature golf, and checking out the rides on the Boardwalk. 
• A local staycation in Calistoga: a few nights at Indian Springs for days lounging by the pool, after dinner swims and relaxing followed by a few nights at Timber Cove, always a family favorite 

These really are going to be great trips when the time comes. In the meantime, we (meaning, I) needed sun and warmth and within driving distance of San Francisco and none of the trips I had researched fit the bill.  We were going to make a game time decision.  

Paradox of Choice

I read the book Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz a few years ago which talks about how every day decisions have become overwhelming due to all of the choices we now have. In the book, Schwartz highlights two types of decision makers: the maximizers who need to ensure every decision made is the best that could be made and the satisficers who have criteria and standards but are not worried there might be something better. 

When reading the book I immediately identified with the satisficer decision makers. All of my big decisions in life have been based on some basic criteria and a lot of intuition rather than research. I wanted to go to Cal Poly but didn’t spend much time looking into majors, graduating salaries, alumni networks. Similarly, I fell into accounting because it came naturally to me and it seemed it would provide some job security. I went to work for a Big Four accounting firm because that was what you did when you were an accounting major. When offered the job in Switzerland I said yes before knowing much about the country, culture or what it would mean to my salary or career (thankfully it resulted in a nice bump in salary, a great career opportunity and led me to meeting Martin). Oskar’s daycare was based on one recommendation and its location to our house (the fact that it also happened to be a preschool was a pleasant surprise once we started thinking about preschools). And when looking into elementary schools for Oskar we went German without any additional research on curriculum, teaching styles or after school programs. 

When compared to others, I am clearly a satisficer.  However, and this is a big however, the most glaring exception to my laid back attitude on decision making is when I am planning a family trip. That blasé attitude goes right out the window. I research everything: driving times between locations, planning the best route to avoid long days of travel and anticipating energy levels at the beginning, middle and end of the trips.  I have spent hours researching hotels including reading the reviews, factoring in Martin’s disdain for dated accommodations along with my desire for ease of location and kid friendly amenities. From there, it spirals into restaurants within walking distance, activities that are nearby, things to pack, and how to get everything organized to optimize space and minimize impact of a potential lost bag. 

Thankfully, while I may feel the stress of making the right decisions up front I am able to let go once we are officially on vacation. When we booked our week-long stay in France for the last leg of our summer trip last year I had a list of 5-10 activities that were nearby and might be fun for the kids, however that list of activities was only a reference guide rather than a checklist of things to do. 

I wish I knew why I am like this, but I won’t over analyze it. It seems to work for me and the family… per Martin “I don’t know why you always stress about planning vacations, they always seem to work out.” 

As a side note, for those who are wondering, based on the research it turns out satisficers are happier in the long run even though they might not make the absolute best decision every time.