Well, I guess we are officially at that point in our
relationship where Martin and I have started talking about having kids. It has been over a year since we got married
and neither of us are getting any younger (and I definitely want to be a
somewhat younger MILF if still possible), so this past Christmas, on our two
week vacation of just “us” time, we seriously started the long awaited “when
are we going to have kids”
conversations. I am sure you all
know the one…or maybe ours was different, who knows…ours revolved around me
being an over-planner and Martin being overly excited. The gist of it went like this: there is no
perfect time to have a baby and even if you tried to plan it to the day, month,
season, etc. nature will fight back so, knowing the odds, when is the least
disruptive time to really do this…that is of course planning around vacations,
weddings, work schedules and my potential discovery on some amazing reality show
competition that I have not yet signed up for.
Man we are busy people, when will we find time to actually have a
baby! As a side note, I can appreciate
the irony that two childless adults are attempting to find the least disruptive
time to get pregnant, since once pregnant, everything will be disruptive.
Figuring out the timing was only one aspect of the
conversation though. The bigger
discussion was how to prepare for the unknown experiences and challenges this
pregnancy and ultimately baby may bring us.
I thankfully have an amazing group of mom friends (you all included) that
have candidly told me all of the stories of pregnancies and child rearing (and
if anything was held back in these stories, I am more concerned than ever since
what I have heard so far is enough to make me cry)… nine months of morning
sickness, migraines, stretch marks, swollen ankles, back pains, horrendous mood
swings, bad gas, bladder control issues, 50 lbs of weight gain, and sleepless
nights (not just for the nine months but for the rest of your life). I already can’t touch my toes and am
uncomfortably close in comparable weight to Martin. I can only imagine what
this “gift from God” will do to me, my body and mental state.
Thankfully, knowing what things may come and being able to
prepare for them, makes me feel slightly more comfortable about
everything. No surprises right? Meanwhile, I get the feeling that Martin has
images of a loving, pregnant wife, who has the motherly glow and a slightly
larger belly but no other significant changes.
And I am afraid his vision is nowhere near the reality that may come,
setting us up for failure…while I see the challenges and am preparing for the
worst, Martin sees all of the joy kids bring his friends and none of the stress
his friends’ wives are going through.
I have tried to use scare tactics: we won’t sleep, no sex
for months, I might not lose the baby weight, the baby might have health
problems; but he just smiles and similar to the wedding planning, tells me I am
overreacting*. Which in the end I might
be, but someone needs to plan for Plan B.
As he kindly reminds me in every other facet of life “failing to prepare
is preparing to fail.” * As another side
note, Martin later told me after the weddings that I had in fact not
overreacted as much as he originally thought after he had the pleasure of planning
and coordinating the Germany wedding.
So in order to ease my mind and ensure Martin is at least
somewhat “prepared” in my eyes, we have made a deal. He will read a book on children raising and
pregnancy of my choosing and once done, we will begin the joyous process of
having a baby. And this is where I need
your help ladies: In all of your
preparations and planning, I am sure you have read plenty of “how to” and “plan
for” books. In your experiences which
were the most brutally honest, truest to life, scare-the-crap-out-of-you books
that you read? I don’t want Martin
reading about the pregnancy “glow”, joy of birth, first kicks or the baby being
the size of a cumquat, I want him learning about cracked nipples, postpartum,
and colicky babies. The joy part can
come later, once we are locked in.
Thanks in advance!
