To My Dearest Children

Dear Alva. 

You are right. This Christmas wasn’t fair for you. I hear you loud and clear. 

When I picked out the puzzle for your advent calendar I was hopeful that the rainbow colors would outweigh the Lego brick motif. It did not. Oskar was ecstatic, you were not. 

When Grandma got you and Oskar the Lego Gears Set she truly thought it would be fun for both of you. And yet you knew Oskar would grab the best pieces before you even got a chance to look at what could be built. 

And those on their own wouldn’t have been an issue or caused any tears.  But how were we to know what would come Christmas morning…  I still have no idea why Oma thought giving Oskar 3x the number of gifts to Oskar compared to you would be a good idea. I can only hope it was an honest mistake and one we won’t let happen again. 

So yes, my love, I hear you loud and clear. I know that feeling when nothing seems fair and as a result you feel a little less loved. Know this: you are so incredibly loved. And we will make sure to not repeat this again next year. 

PS: I loved playing hairdressers with you. You were a pro at the small talk and positioning of my head to get the perfect cut each and every time. Your imagination is endless and I can’t wait to see what excites you next. 

And To Oskar. 

My apologies for getting the heebie jeevies when I wiggled your loose tooth. While I know this is totally normal. It definitely creeped me out Christmas night. 

PS I will cherish your constant, tears in the corner of your eyes, rolling around infectious laughter while watching the various holiday movies.  Home Alone and Dinner for One will forever make me smile with these memories. 

Down for the Count

Our trip to Germany started off well enough. Getting to the airport, the flight, picking up the luggage and finding Meike for a ride to the house, it was all flawless. The kids went to sleep without a huge fight that first night and while jet lag hit us at 2am we were able to work through it and get back to sleep. 

Wednesday morning is when things started to fall apart. Alva puked, then puked again and would continue to puke through the day, night and into the following morning. Sleep was nonexistent as I was on high alert for any sign that she might puke again during the night… she did, three times. 

Things started to turn around Thursday afternoon and on Friday we were able to check out the local Christmas market before heading to Martin's friend’s house for the annual mackerel smoking.  As a side note, the weather was miserable (pouring rain) however Martin and friends would never think to cancel the outdoor party. We were to dress accordingly. The rain came in fits, starting and stopping throughout the evening with us running to the small shelter for cover every time it got a little too heavy for even the Germans to bear. Despite the rain I found myself enjoying the evening and cherished the few minutes Oskar and I shared on chairs just beside the party. 

Unfortunately it was all short lived. Oskar started to complain of a stomach ache and once at home he vomited in our bedroom before I could get him to the bathroom. 

And so began our first week in Germany with the norovirus. I will spare you all the details but let’s just say we did a lot of laundry, we will not be eating smoked fish any time soon and we were thankfully back to almost good by Christmas morning. 

Above and Beyond

As we get ready to leave for Germany, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on Christmas so far. And I really must say I have not only gone above and beyond in my motherly duties but all of the events we planned to do before we left also went above and beyond my expectations. Let’s take a walk down Christmas Town memory lane

Thanksgiving: we kicked off the holiday season with a week up at Dunsmuir. My parents joined for most of the time and Cody and Brenda came down for two nights before heading over to Pillsbury for a long weekend. I love this tradition and hope it continues. I would love it even more if Dana and her family joined as well. 

Attempting to get a family photo up at Bunny Flats

The Lighted Tractor Parade: when Oskar was born I stumbled upon a story about the Lighted Tractor Parade in Calistoga that happens every year in December. I added it to the list of fun things to do with the family once the kids were old enough to stay up to see it. And this was the year we were going to do it. The parade and overall weekend did not disappoint: it was everything I had envisioned and so much better. On top of the parade (truly the highlight) the kids also loved swimming in the hotel pool before dinner (I should note it was raining and cold, but the pool was heated by thermal springs) and on the way home Martin used the opportunity to stop by a house he designed for us to see. 

Parenting Overdo #1 - The Advent Puzzle: one of Martin's friend's sister-in-law's best friend’s cousins started a tradition of giving a few pieces of legos to the friend's son everyday in an advent calendar so at the end of the 24 days, they had built a new Lego creation. Martin wanted to do this same idea but with puzzle pieces for our kids. The concept seemed easy enough and, being the puzzle lover between the two of us, I took on the task of buying the puzzle. While the concept was straightforward, execution was another story. The kids typically do 200 piece puzzles in an hour so I would need to buy one with more pieces… if it was to go in their advent calendar, 1,000 pieces seemed like the right size. But then I realized, in order for the kids to have fun putting it together, they would need to have matching pieces in each bundle. Which meant I had to put together a 1,000 piece puzzle in November before leaving for the week at Dunsmuir so I could take it apart and wrap it up.  If that isn’t going above and beyond on this idea I don’t know what is. 

Parenting Overdo #2 - Packing the Gifts: this is our first year back to Germany since Oskar was 3.5 and Alva wasn’t even walking. Christmas presents were slightly different back then, so when we started prepping for the trip I naturally assumed that we would take all of our presents with us to Germany for the kids to open there. I mean, it’s Christmas, you have to have presents under the tree right? Apparently not! Everyone I talked to thought we were crazy (and I can’t say they were wrong). One family leaves the presents under the tree for when the family comes home from their travels. Another suggested just bringing one or two and leaving the rest behind. Of course I didn’t talk to anyone until after we committed and reconfirmed with the kids that Santa would in fact deliver presents to Germany. Instead of disappointing, I did what I had to do, I bought two large extra suitcases to pack it all up to Germany and then back to San Francisco. I really hope we find a better solution next time. 

Nutcracker: this year we got to introduce the kids to the Nutcracker at the SF ballet. And we did it right. We (meaning I) bought great seats, the first row of the grand tier, so the kids could stand and look over the side for an unobstructed view of the dancers. I pre-ordered apple cider and champagne for us to enjoy during intermission.  We prepped the kids ahead of time, telling them the story and explaining what to expect and as a result, they loved it!  And even better Alva and I participated in the Nutcracker Dance Along later that weekend to learn some of the dances at the real ballet studio. 

Crab and Raviolis: as mentioned before, for my family Christmas is all about the tradition rather than the date on the calendar. This is incredibly helpful when leaving for Germany and not being in town for the main event. So Christmas for my family was planned for the weekend before we left for Germany. As always, it was a loud, fun evening filled with love and laughter and a few elbows thrown to get the last crab claws out of the bowl.  

Christmas celebrations could end now I would still be happy.

Alva’s “First “ Birthday Party

Yes Alva turned four this year and yes her birthday was in July. But we still threw her a birthday this past weekend since we were gone most of the summer and this was the first weekend we could make it work. I should also confess this was her first true birthday party, complete with friends, cupcakes, etc since Covid has ruined our plans the last two years.

We made it a Princess in Black theme to cover both princesses and monster fighting super heroes. And not to brag, but I think I nailed it. Why? It is simple really. 

But before I share my secret first let me tell you all of the reasons that didn't factor into the success of the day: it wasn’t because of the balloons, well planned activities, party favors or decorations. We didn’t have those. It wasn’t because we went to a fancy all-inclusive location or had an on-site bouncy house. We didn’t do that, we hosted at our local park. And it wasn’t due to the gourmet appetizers, custom charcuterie boards or artisan made cupcakes. Nope, we had golden boy pizza and home made cupcakes.

In spite of the lack of flair that is normally at a kid's party (mostly for the adults I might add), Alva had a great time. And you want to know why?

When asked if she had fun and what her favorite part was she said it was the best day ever and she loved the presents (although we asked people not to bring any) and the snacks.  Gotta love my daughter. Let's hope she is this easy going forward. 

Alva sitting at the table eating snacks while everyone else played

Martin's home made chocolate cupcakes

Alva showing off her new necklace from her friend Alec 

Introvert or Exhaustion?

We all know how susceptible I am to the power of suggestion. Two minutes into the trailers at a movie theater and I want popcorn, I listen to a few stand up comedians and think I could do it too, I read a book about introverts and convince myself I am one. You get the picture. 

However, I must say, this last point might have merit to it. After a full ten days of socializing, travels, parties and visitors I am spent.  I just want to curl up in a dark room by myself for at least 24 hours to recharge my batteries. So this is a serious question: can a person become an introvert overtime, has Covid made me socially out of shape or am I suffering from a serious case of exhaustion?

Maybe it will help if I give you a cliff notes overview of the last few days

Wednesday: Participate in a fireside chat in front of the entire Finance organization about my participation in the Black Owned Business Mentorship program

Thursday to Sunday: Travel to Colorado for the annual Halloween girls weekend with McKane

Monday to Wednesday: Coordinate and host a team offsite with my entire team in town, meaning full days in the office and two big dinners out on the town

Wednesday: Participate in another fireside chat at an ESG training to talk about my team's structure and our accomplishments in ESG reporting

Wednesday to Thursday:  Host my new friend Jessica (Juliet’s daughter) during her visit to California including a full day off work on Thursday for us to hang out

Thursday:  Bring on the mom guilt. Oskar had to have his eyebrow glued back together after a minor accident at school.  Martin was there to console him while I was off galivanting around town with Jessica

Saturday:  Organize and host Alva’s birthday party at the local playground

Monday: Go trick or treating for Halloween

Thank goodness Martin and I have a weekend getaway with just the two of us this upcoming weekend. I need a break!

Scratch that. Martin got sick so we cancelled the trip. But the kids still really wanted to go to the parents house so I ended up with a free night to myself downstairs. Which honestly might be even better than Napa. Here's to hoping we all get a break soon. 

Thank goodness I got a spa day in Colorado.  I wouldn't have made it through the week otherwise

Lollipops always help

Carving pumpkin the Sunday before Halloween

Oskar gave up carving his pumpkin (delegated to Martin) but Alva did hers all by herself

Trying on a few wigs before heading out to Trick or Treat

My princess and race car driver

Half Assed

It might surprise most who read this blog, but I do actually take some time writing up each entry. I typically create a general framework of what I want to write about real time, then build it out and proof read it a few times before posting. When inspired, this process can be very quick (e.g. I can have a full blog written in a day on my phone or notebook and then I just need to proofread it on my computer) or, in the case of the past two months, it can take two months or longer.

Since my big dump of stories from our European vacation, I have started the shell of at least 5 blogs but have lost the motivation and inspiration to finalize them. So, in an effort to clear my plate or clean the slate and get caught up, I am posting my half assed, not finished streams of consciousness in the following posts.  

Welcome to the creative process aka the crazy storm inside my brain.  

Back on the Wagon

Last year I finally got a chance to go to Rancho La Puerta and it was everything I wanted and then some. I went into the week super healthy, with a solid routine of tennis, yoga and walks at least a few times a week.  However after the week of the Ranch, instead of solidifying my good habits, I completely fell off the wagon. All of my routines ended and for the past eleven months I have barely done anything more active than grabbing coffee in the kitchen between work calls.

This year, whether it was due to my lack of exercise at home or just a different mindset, I had a completely different experience at RLP. Of all the activities and events and classes offered, I didn’t repeat a single one from last year…okay I might have repeated one or two (stretch and sound healing, but for the sake of the story, we will go with none).

That means no yoga, Pilates, tennis or crazy new age shit. Instead my days were filled with relaxation, pool time and a lot of reading. I did manage to try a few new things including  ballet, self-defense, tai chi, drawing, water color, and a class on blue light and sleep. I also made it into the pool to swim laps and finally took a try at pickle ball.  I also attempted to take a weight lifting class but realized too late it was not barbells but in fact body pump, the class Martin and I used to take every Wednesday night before we had kids… it kicked my ass even more than I realized and left me limping for two whole days. Thank god for the handrails in the public toilets: I needed the help standing and sitting down.

And while I am not back to where I was last year pre-Ranch, I have managed to have a few more active days at home since getting back from the Ranch… including another at home Body Pump workout which left me limping again.

My attempt at drawing... I won't show you my watercolor work. As Erin kindly suggested, I should focus on drawing since watercolor didn't seem to be "my thing"

Early morning coffee at the top of Alex's Oak.  We woke up at 5:30am to make it up there for a sunrise coffee

Can't beat this view. Plus according to my blue light class, I should great the sun every morning for the best blue light. 

Blah

Languishing, quiet quitting, depressed, baby blues (just kidding, not that one). Call it what you want but I am in a funk, a rut, in a mood. I have the case of the Monday’s except it is every day and even the hopes of an upcoming vacation can’t fix this situation. If, 200 years from now, a social anthropologist read my blog to understand our society today I could imagine them thinking “man, this woman went from living her best life to being such a depressing and disappointing bore”. And to be honest, they wouldn’t be wrong.

Come to find out I am not alone. The New York Times has a great article about this and HBR did an article about all of the uncertainty in today’s world.

What I have realized... it all boils down to the fact that I normally get energized out of the daily routines by planning for and looking forward to upcoming events and trips.  And in today’s world, and too many cancelled plans, I have stopped looking forward to things in fear that they might get cancelled. 

The best example, Erin and I have had our trip booked to head back to Rancho La Puerta since in October of last year for September.  And I didn’t allow myself to get excited about it until the night before I actually left since I was afraid something would happen to make me cancel.

Spoiler alert: the trip didn’t get cancelled and was even better than I could have asked for.

Second spoiler alert: While my trip didn’t get cancelled, unfortunately the one Martin really wanted and needed had to be cancelled. Not due to covid but due to lack of power. Martin had planned a week-long stay at Timber Cove but our solar power system inexplicably was drained of power when we arrived Saturday night and refused to charge the following day (due to the overcast skies). Unwilling to be stuck on the coast without power for a week was just too big of a risk and one he was not willing to take. Here’s to hoping he gets a much deserved break soon too.

Not sure what the overall answer is, but I need to figure something out soon

When Did I Get to be So Old?

I know we live in a lively neighborhood.  It is one of the reasons why we wanted to live in North Beach.  I get it.  We live near some really fun bars and are surrounding by a whole bunch of twenty something year olds.  I guess we have just forgotten what it is like, between getting old, going to bed early and the quiet that came with the first few years of COVID.  But the young kids are back in town and ready to party. 

This past weekend, our newer neighbors reminded us of just how old we have become.  On Saturday night, our partying neighbors work us up.  To be fair it was only 9:30 (and yes we were already asleep) but I remember the days of having a few drinks with friends before going to the bars, so I wasn’t going to get mad, they should have some fun like we did.

The music was loud and, with our windows overlooking the alley and the echo effect of the nearby building, it was like we were at the party with them. But again I am not quite yet a curmudgeon and I figured it was just a pre-party before heading out. I even took the time to draft up a cute note to give them if the partying continued too many weekends in a row:

To our lovely neighbors who love good music and socializing with their friends. Please support your local bar by moving your party down the street earlier in the evening. We have supported the bar scene for the last 20 years and are ready to pass in the torch.

 

Your understanding but tired neighbors

As expected, they finally went to the bars at 11:40 (I would have appreciated a little earlier but so be it) and I must have finally fell asleep since the next thing I know I was woken up again at 1:50 to the pounding of music.  Cute notes and feelings of nostalgia couldn’t save them…I was done.

I got out of bed, grabbed my plush bathrobe and put on, dear god I am embarrassed to say it, my bright blue crocs and walked over to their house.  Can you just take a moment to fully embrace this moment.  15 years ago I would have been partying with them.  Now I was stomping over to throw ice water on their fun with sleep in my eyes, no make up, dragon breath, rats nest for a hairstyle and wearing bright blue crocs.

I walked over, knocked on the door and prepared myself for the confrontation, which went a little something like this:

 

Me: Please can you keep the music down? It echoes really badly in the alley

 

20 Year Old Boy: Yes ma’am.

 

Me: I normally wouldn’t care, but it is 2am and I need to sleep

 

20 YOB: Yes, ma'am, sorry ma’am for making you get out of bed

 

Me: Thank you.

I turned to head back to bad and upon seeing a few empty beer cans strewn across the alleyway and, in spite of myself, I turned around and said and can you please clean up those can sin the morning.

 

20YOB: Yes ma’am will do it tonight

What is wrong with me?!?

A perfect but Hot Weekend

Something something something… Labor Day 3 day weekend.

Rock climbing and ice cream

Giants game, a first for the kids, which I am pretty sure they only liked for the food.

Lunch at Granny Fran’s

I love my happy life and family.  Things are good.

And That’s a Wrap

After 8 plus weeks of no school or routine and 5 plus weeks of no work, the kids have gone back to school and summer is officially over. 

And I must say we had a good one. We did it all: Pillsbury, Europe, local adventures including the Oakland Zoo, Alva’s Birthday, 3 weeks with the in laws in San Francisco, summer camps of Legos and well, I am still not quite sure what Alva did at her camp but she had fun, and then one last week at Dunsmuir.

After having so much time with the kids I dare say I got a little sad when prepping for their first day back on Monday. And I definitely got a little teary eyed during the first grade ceremony for Oskar’s class on the first day of school. As a side note, first grade is a super big deal in German culture complete with a formal ceremony and a schultuete (school cone) for each kid filled with school supplies, little toys and some candy. Or, as my colleague pointed out a German piñata.

But how quickly do we slip back into our routines. By Tuesday the German grandparents had left, Wednesday I wrapped up quarter end earnings and by the following week, after what felt like never ending chaos since January (what between the holidays, year-end, April road trips, the month of covid and then summer) I was finally back into a routine. And man it feels good.

Birthday girl wearing her new dress-up dress... she hasn't taken it off since

Date night with Martin while the inlaws were in town

First day of school photo 

Proud parents

Oskar and his schultuete

Date night with the family to celebrate the first week of school

Date night with the family to celebrate the first week of school

A Trip of Revelations

In San Francisco, summer camp registration starts in March and the process is, to say the least, overwhelming.  This was our first summer without day care, options were limited for 4 year olds (most were geared towards kids entering first grade or older) and I had a few other things on my plate, so instead of stressing about the situation, I decided to not really work this summer and Martin and I could figure it out between vacations, a week or two of camp and re-enforcements from the grandparents.  Included in this grand plan were 3 weeks in Europe!

We just got back from our Euro-trip and it was everything I was hoping for. We split our time evenly between one week in Germany with family, one week in Switzerland with family and then one week in France with just us.  The three weeks were exactly what Martin and I needed to fully disconnect from work and relax into the routine of vacation life.  And with the kids being a little older, we were able to do more, see more and enjoy the time together a little more.

Having been so long since we last travelled internationally together (2.5 years to be exact), I had quite a few revelations about family, travel and my life.  Below are the stories from the trip and my many revelations.

Revelations 14 to 19 in Alsace Lorraine

 Revelation14: Do I really need to stay in wine country if I don’t plan on wine tasting?  

One of the reasons I couldn’t find a house that suited the Breuers or me is because I was hoping for something along the lines of Tuscany (too far of a drive for my likes), Piedmont (nothing available) or the Alsace region between France and Germany (too far for the rest of the family). If you are unfamiliar with the last one it is also a well-known wine region… For my Euro Trip, I wanted water and wine. I got the “water” with Walensee lake near Amden so I figured we could get the “wine” on the last week of the trip with just our family. Alsace also happens to be on the way back to the Frankfurt airport so I had some logic to the decision.  While adamant that I wanted a wine region for the trip, we did not go wine tasting, or even really drink wine the entire time we were there. And I was okay with that.  What we did do was still amazing, including a trip to Mulhouse to see a car museum (for Oskar), a trip to a butterfly garden (for Alva), a day in the city of Strassbourg (for me) and two days at a nearby lake which, while lacking the beautiful surroundings of Switzerland, provided a shallow, kid friendly lake for the kids to splash and swim in. 

Revelation 15: As diligent as I was about chronicling my travels and shenanigans while living in Zurich, I was very light on the actual details like where I stayed, what I ate and what I saw.  Erin and I spent a weekend in Colmar in 2008 and I have no idea what we actually did. For future reference, on this trip we stayed in a town called Achenheim, had lunch at a restaurant called Square Delicatessen in Strassbourg and the lake we loved was called Plan d’eau du Lac Achard.

Revelation 16: With a German husband who speaks some French, Italian and Spanish I have gotten lazy in my travels.  It used to be that I would learn how to say the basics in the language of where I was travelling and yet this trip I couldn’t even ask for the toilets in French.

Revelation 17: There is a big difference between junk and trash. Junk is a term I have endearingly given to antiques found at flea markets. For example, I went to the Alameda Flea Market to buy some junk. Trash is the mass produced touristy crap you can find in every city whether it is the shot glass, tea towel or key chain that every shop tries to sell you to remember your trip.  I taught this lesson to the kids during our day in the city.  Strassbourg has a very small antique market on Wednesdays, so I conveniently choose our “city day” to be on Wednesday and we headed to the market when we got into town.  I told each kid they could have EUR 5 to buy whatever they wanted and they chose well.  Alva bought a cute rose metal pendant to wear as a necklace and Oskar bought a cool old Rolls Royce toy car from the 50s. Both were such a better use of EUR 5 than the things we found for sale outside the Cathedral Notre Dame just a few blocks away.  

Revelation 18:  It took me exactly 19 days of enjoying the local foods and regional dishes to crave Mexican food. It also took me less than 6 days of straight meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner before I hit my limit and needed a vegetarian meal.  Luckily for me, we were heading home soon so I could get my fill of both and in the meantime, on Day 19 Martin bought me a bag of chips and a jar of queso to hold me over until then. 

Revelation 19: Travelling with the kids is becoming so much easier and the fun factor is definitely outweighing the work factor more and more every trip.  I can’t wait for our next big adventure!

Revelations 12 and 13 in Amden Switzerland

Revelation 12:  When it comes to planning vacations with Martin’s family, don’t take the lead, but maintain veto rights. After spending two months trying to find a house suitable for our family plus Martin’s I gave up. I couldn’t get them to commit to anything and yet they had a list of requirements. It had to be close enough to Regina’s family’s house in case she could join, large enough for all of us, and during peak travel season however the dates were still to be confirmed by his sister due to her schedule. Every option I found either didn’t work or was no longer available once the family provided their feedback/okay, so I gave up looking and finally deferred to Martin. It was his family, so his headache.

After searching for less than 1 week he complained about the limited options that met our needs.  No?! I am shocked!  Please tell me more about how hard this is! 

And then a few weeks later, he found a house in Amden Switzerland and, while it wouldn’t have been my first choice, I was officially defeated from my efforts and so we booked it. It turned out to be exactly what we needed and wanted. The house itself was perfect, with plenty of space for everyone, a fully equipped kitchen and games and toys, including a trampoline, for the kids. There was a bakery and store within walking distance that sold popsicles. It had kid friendly hikes nearby and a beautiful alpine lake for swimming and paddle boating (the latter of which Oskar had his heart set on after seeing them at Sorpersee in Germany).  With little else to do, it allowed us a full week of relaxation and a chance to slow down.

Revelation 13: I really miss Switzerland and want to move back.  So much so that Martin and I have started looking at property.  Jokingly, but not really.