Snow Days for Days

Winter in California did not disappoint this year. In fact it got a little out of hand. No need to spend time documenting what could easily be googled: hurricane-like winds, inches of rain in 24 hour periods and white out blizzards. Looking back now, it seemed a little silly to worry about the snow conditions at Shasta in advance of our winter ski break. But worry is one of my top talents so of course that is what I did.  

Knowing I would be busy most of the week with work (ski break happens to also be my busiest week of work for the year) we invited another family from school to join us at Dunsmuir for the week. So while I spent most of my time at the house working, the rest of the group was off having a great time.   

Over the course of the week, the kids built snow forts and went snowshoeing, they attempted sledding before giving up due to high winds, they had a snowball fight, built multiple snowmen and enjoyed countless days of cross country skiing. Martin and the kids had so much fun they decided to go back to Dunsmuir a few weeks later while I was out of town.  

Change of Plans Yet Again

I wrote the previous post Thursday night while sitting alone at the hotel bar drinking a gin and tonic and eating a cheeseburger. It was exactly what I needed: a place where I didn’t have any expectations or obligations, where I wasn’t defined as a mom, wife, coworker, employee, friend, functioning adult.  I could just be the “gin and tonic” at the bar. 

By Friday morning Ange was knocking on my hotel door and Dana showed up later that afternoon. My 48 hours of wallowing in self pity and crying quickly morphed into a girls night away. 

I am still not 100% sure how it happened, although it appears I accidentally invited Ange when I arrived Thursday afternoon. And while I tried to rescind the offer after a glass of wine later that night, it was too late, the wheels were in motion.  And when she showed up at 10:30 am asking about the espresso martini machine at the bar, I knew I needed to call in assistance.  Unfortunately, while Dana was a good drinking buddy for Ange, she also showed up stating that she was “ready to drink whiskey and get in a bar fight.”

So much for having a moment of peace to breathe.  

Fake bitching aside, their company was a good distraction and a much needed slap to pull myself together. Yes, things are sad right now but in perspective I am going to be okay. I still have a great job while many don’t, I have a great team and an amazing family and group of friends.

Change of Plans

Martin and I have tried, twice now, to go to Napa for a romantic weekend.  First, in November, which we had to cancel because he was sick.  And just recently this past weekend, which we also had to cancel because my parents were sick. 

But after the month I have had, I wasn’t going to let that stop me from getting away. Every man and woman for themselves… I left Martin with the kids and finally took the trip solo.  

While it might sound heartless, let me try to explain: On January 4 my company announced that it would lay off approximately 10% of our workforce. It unfortunately wasn’t a surprise to me, I had been working on the project since October but it still hit home that day.  For the following four weeks I would sporadically and unprovoked break down crying. And just as I was starting to get a grip on life again, this past week I found out my boss, the whole reason why I came back to this company and stayed at my job for so long, was being let go as part of the restructuring plan we had both been working on for months.  I was devastated, shocked, numb. 

I needed a break from life, a chance to let me process what was happening, go through the stages of grief and not have to pretend everything was okay. I told Martin Tuesday night that, if the worst happened, I would need to disappear for a few nights. Shit hit the fan on Wednesday afternoon and that evening I told the kids that I was going away for two nights. 

With last minute flights being too expensive and the weather limiting my options, Thursday afternoon I found myself alone at the very same resort I had originally planned to be at with Martin but for very different reasons.