A Year in Books 2020

This year was a doozy and my selection of books definitely reflects what was happening in my life and the world around me.  I read a lot about race, a lot of self-help about kids, a few that took me to parts of the world I was prevented from travelling to and tried to throw in a few fun ones to make life a little more enjoyable.  

• Midnight in Chernobyl, Adam Higginbotham
• No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, Rachel Louise Snyder
• Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
• My Husbands Wife, Jane Corry
• How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy, Jenny Odell
• Nothing to See Here, Jenny Odell
• My Lovely Wife, Samantha Downing
• The Nickel Boys, Colson Whitehead
• Siblings Without Rivalry, Adele Faber
• Milkman, Anna Burns
• The Unwinding: An Inner History of the New America, George Packer
• The Lost Children Archives, Valeria Luiselli
• How to Be an Antiracist, Ibram X. Kendi
• Throne of Glass, Sarah J. Maas
• NurtureShock: New Thinking about Children, Ashley Merryman and Po Bronson
• Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro
• The Silent Patient, Alex Michaelides
• DisneyWar, James B. Stewart
• Paddy Clark Ha Ha Ha, Roddy Doyle
• Make Russia Great Again: A Novel, Christopher Buckley
• A Woman is No Man: A Novel, Etaf Rum
• Here in Berlin, Cristina García
• The Family Upstairs, Lisa Jewell
• Less, Andrew Sean Greer
• CHAOS: Charles Manson, the CIA, and the Secret History of the Sixties, Dan Piepenbring and Tom O'Neill
• Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape, Peggy Orenstein
• Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown
• Bannerless, Carrie Vaughn
• A Good Neighborhood, Therese Anne Fowler
• The Companions, Katie M. Flynn
• Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents, Isabel Wilkerson
• The Giver, Lois Lowry
• Interior Chinatown, Charles Yu
• Wolf Hall, Hilary Mantel
• The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian, Sherman Alexie
• The Black Friend, Frederick Joseph
• Disgraced, Ayad Akhtar

Stress Cooking on Thanksgiving

Like most Americans across the country, this year marked the first thanksgiving in my entire life that was spent with just my immediate family; no parents or grandparents, no brother, sister, nieces and nephews, no cousins, aunts or uncles, no friends or adopted families. It was just the four of us. And like most, I too struggled with how to recreate the warm, loving and hospitable feeling of the meal with the turkey, all of the sides and multiple desserts for just a family of four.

A lover of logistics, I spent the week leading up to the main event perfecting the menu (to ensure just the right amount of leftovers), the grocery list (to ensure I only bought what we needed) and schedule (to ensure everything was perfectly cooked in our single oven).  I was going to host the perfect thanksgiving meal without wasting too much food or energy. It might sound stressful: a 14lb turkey, 7 side dishes (with recipes adapted for a family of four), 3 mini pies, a champagne and apple cider toast and a perfect martini all orchestrated to a schedule with no time to spare. And sure, it could have been stressful... but in reality, I realized about a week post-thanksgiving that the dinner wasn’t the cause of stress but in fact my outlet to manage my existing stress….I am apparently someone who cooks when stressed.

Back up to the beginning of November and I was bracing myself for a doozy of a month (and I didn’t even know the half of it). Work wise we were coming into quarter end, along with Dreamforce and the annual investor day conference. Add to that our largest acquisition ever and yeah things were busy. At home, life was a mixture of balancing work, showing appreciation to Martin for picking up my slack (7am and 5pm meetings kind of put our daily routine into chaos) and finding time to actually mentally unplug and focus on the kids. In addition, for the first two weeks of November I was mentally preparing to have to miss out on McKane’s wedding (previously scheduled for Dec 11, thankfully now rescheduled, for March and which I am to be a bridesmaid) and trying to find the words to comfort Anjulee after losing her best friend and then father both to cancer two weeks apart. Oh, and Martin decided to grow a mustache... to be fair that one didn’t add to my stress. It just seemed like an appropriate thing to add to the list.

With all of the craziness and sadness and stress this month brought, I was actually thankful for the distraction and focus of planning this ridiculous meal and attempt to bring some joy to these bleak times.

And you might think that I would stop there (because, yeah, I had a full plate already, both figuratively and actually), but like I said, the cooking, prepping and planning of meals has actually helped me work through my stress. And there is no better way than to try and use up all of the leftovers and ingredients from Thanksgiving dinner with letting nothing go to waste. Since thanksgiving I have cooked the following: Annegrets goulash, turkey pot pies, turkey Asian noodle soup, hermit cookies, carrot marmalade, celery soup, cranberry salsa and carrot salad…. Seriously, f this was a marketable skill, I would be rich.

For those wondering, below is the menu we had for our 2020 Thanksgiving Dinner

Drinks Starting at 5pm
The Improved Dirty Martini – by the NY Times
A Champagne and Cider Toast with Billecart Salmon Brut Rose and Martinelli’s apple cider

Dinner Server at 6:15pm
A 14lb Spiced Roast Turkey from Little City Meats and recipe by Foreign Cinema
Sides Dishes included:
Mashed potatoes ala Martin with gravy from Little City
Stuffing by Foreign Cinema
Traditional green bean casserole
Creamy pearl onions by Williams Sonoma
Cranberry relish by Oceanspray (and my childhood)
Sweet yams by the Lafayette Collection Cookbook
 
Dessert at 7pm
Mini apple, pumpkin and pecan pies with whipped cream by Martha Stewart

Life Theories by Lisa

In many respects, this year, and especially these past few months, has been a doozy.  It has been a true rollercoaster of highs and lows.  In the past month alone: I cried upon hearing about the death of RBG, I had some amazing moments of joy with the kids, I cried again when I heard the news that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were elected to the highest positions in the US and then I somehow signed myself up to become Chair of the Parent Advisory Committee at school (almost as great of an honor).

So in an effort to lighten things up and get back to basics, below are a few of my many life theories that I have embraced or developed over the years… some may be more applicable to my 20s, but I still think they hold true even today.

Buffalo Theory: I can’t take credit for this one, as I learned it from someone in college but I still think of it often… the original concept goes something like this: In a herd of buffalos, the slowest and weakest are the first ones that get picked off by predators leaving the pack stronger overall.  In college, we applied this theory to brain cells and drinking, whereby the daily intake of alcohol killed only your slowest and weakest brain cells thereby leaving you smarter in the long run.  Today, I have been applying this theory to the grey hairs I keep finding in my hair brush… I refuse to admit that due to the basic law of averages, the number of grey hairs in my hair brush is in direct relation to the number of grey hairs on my head.  Instead I subscribe to the buffalo theory that the grey hairs are just the weakest ones and therefore the ones most likely to fall out and in turn making me less grey.  

Shampoo Theory:  Another classic from college, the theory goes that when washing your hair, the first time you shampoo your hair in the shower the bubbles are normal. However, if you immediately shampoo again with the same amount (e.g. rinse and repeat), the bubbles are significantly greater.  When drinking, if you don’t fully sober up before you start drinking again (e.g. you start drinking the morning after a big night out), it takes less alcohol to get you drunk.  These days, the lack of sleep and incremental stress of life is a better proxy.  If I never get a weekend to sleep in, destress and unwind (say via a weekend away with the girls), it takes less stress and less sleep to put me in a terrible mood.  

DSW Theory: Not to be confused with the theory of relativity, this theory is all mine and one I stumbled upon years ago when out shopping with some friends.  A friend wanted to go into DSW to look for some shoes so I stepped inside to wait for her.  One lap around the store and nothing looked good, in fact it all looked cheap and slightly out of style.  Ten minutes later and another lap around the store, I had found a few things that I thought might be cute, but would never buy.  Twenty minutes later and I had found the most amazing pair of shoes ever and had to have them.  I still own the purple polka dot heels as a reminder that this issue can and does happen all the time; whether you are in a small town, in a crowded bar or perusing the menu at Denny’s, it truly is universal.

Separated From the Herd: It is a known fact that it is easier to pick off (or pick-up) a woman when she is separated from her group of friends. 

Fishing Lure Theory: This one is still a work in process and I am not especially fond of the name, so I am open to suggestions. In short, I have spent a lot of time watching Planet Earth and other animal related shows and found it interesting that for most species it is typically the male that puts on a show (whether it is fancy feathers or elaborate dances) to attract a mate. Whereas for humans, in general, it is the women who go full peacock when out on the town.  It got me wondering as to why things were backwards for us.  But then one day, when looking at my red painted toe nails underwater and reflecting that they looked like fishing lures, I realized I had it all wrong.  The fancy make-up, high end clothes and countless other ways we preen ourselves for going out are less about attracting the opposite sex and more about intimidating our competition.  A guy doesn’t care about your fancy painted toe nails and probably won’t even notice them.  But you do, and other women do, giving you an extra boost of confidence that does make a difference to men.

There are plenty more theories up in my head that will take some time to articulate, but thought you might get a kick out of these in the meantime!

And Just Like That, It is Autumn

I woke up one morning and realized that it was officially autumn and the year was almost over. And I will say, we have fully embraced the season.

During one of our weekends up at Timber Cove, we discovered the Fort Ross Orchard, a public, but very hidden and unpopulated space just east of Highway 1 and up from Fort Ross State Park.  It was started by the Russians back in the early 1800s and now has apple, pear, olive, and cherry trees and picking is available for the public.  We have since been back a few times to spend a few hours picking fruit and walking around the area.  You are only supposed to pick what you can personally eat and we have definitely managed to make good use of what we have found.  Our first weekend there, we picked apples for Granny Fran applesauce and pears for homemade marmalade.  And just recently, we made a very large and very delicious apple and pear crisp.

In addition to picking apples and pears, we have also expanded our harvesting and preserving skills to include fermentation (Martin got a fancy fermentation pot for his birthday and has started the process of making rot kohl for our upcoming goulash dinner).

And autumn wouldn’t be complete without celebrating Halloween…and we went big this year.  We rocked out to monster-mash songs and had a dance party Friday night at our house, my parents stopped by Halloween morning to drop off candy and treats and then, after nap, things really kicked into gear.  We carved pumpkins, roasted pumpkin seeds, decorated the front steps and got dressed up (Oskar as an orca, Alva as a shark, Martin as a fisherman and me as a lifeguard).

We had friends from the neighborhood stop by that afternoon to pick up premade goodie bags on the front porch and to catch up in a socially distanced manner.  And then we headed out to a nearby park for picnic blanket treat or treating organized by some families from school.   We were home and in bed at the normal hour, full of candy and smiles. 

With autumn wrapping up, it is time for me to focus my attention on the upcoming holidays and planning out our Thanksgiving feast, with all of the fixings and sides, for only four people.  Wish me luck!

Today I Cried

Today I cried for the loss of a woman whom I never met, didn’t spend much time thinking about and never really appreciated how much she impacted my life.

Today I cried for the loss of RBG and all of the advancements she helped advocate and secure for women.

Today I cried at the thought that those things are now threatened and from the feeling of helplessness to stop it.

Today I cried for my 80 cents on the dollar.

Today I cried for the fear of my freedom as a woman to choose what is best for me.

Today I cried for POC and immigrants and the LGBTQ community whose actual lives are threatened every day and the impact it must have on their health, personality, their entire being.

Today I cried for all of things that have been taken away from us these past few months by a faceless disease and the incompetency of those in D.C. who are more concerned with getting re-elected than the lives of the people they are entrusted to serve.

Today I cried for the realization that those who run the country don’t value or care about me and probably never will as long as they view my right to life, liberty and justice as an infringement upon theirs. 

Today I cried, and cried some more, and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. And then I began to research, I began to prioritize, I began to do all of those things that matter so much but I never found the time. Today I found time. Today, I found my voice and I will use it to prevent my tears from falling in the future.

A Vacation Frame of Mind

With life on hold and travel plans cancelled I am so thankful that we were able to sneak up to Dunsmuir for a two week break from life and work.  And even better, with the kids getting older I feel like we can really start to relax the routine and not completely fuck up the rest of the day, week or year.  Dare I say it, I can now actually have a vacation rather than just a change in scenery.

In just a short two week period, all rules went out the window. We had more than our fair of ice cream and French fries, we enjoyed late dinners and even later bedtimes, we snuck in a few extra movie nights, and I fully let down my hair with evening gin and tonics, champers for breakfast and dinner (with apple cider for the kids), and I actually didn’t work.   It felt like Lisa circa 2010 but you know, now with kids.

Milkshakes from Penny's 

Frosties from Burger Barn 

Lake Siskiyou

Castle Creek

Alva being Alva

Castle Lake

A Sense of Normalcy

It took a two hour conversation with Martin to work out the details and a follow up conversation with the parents to lay down the ground rules. Negotiations were had, compromises were made and the plans were in motion. We were going to spend some indoor quality time with my parents up at Dunsmuir. Close proximity and hugging and all.

And those four days were amazing... It almost felt normal. So much so that, similar to my pregnant stress dreams of accidentally drinking while pregnant, I had stress dreams of forgetting about COVID... you know, I am at a crowded indoor bar or at a large birthday party hugging and dancing with all of my friends and family and then all of a sudden I realize that we are still in the midst of a pandemic and I should be wearing a mask and keeping six feet of distance outside.

All kidding (?) aside the time spent with my parents made me realize how much I missed them and reminded me to never take the time with them for granted ever again. It was truly the most basic moments during the four days that will stay in my heart forever: Alva crawling up on the couch to sit on Grandpa’s lap within an hour of their arrival, Oskar sewing masks with Grandma, walks with Kona and Grandma in the evenings, Oskar catching his first fish with Grandpa and Martin. And even just the quick 30 minute therapy session with my mom in the kitchen with wine when the kids were... well I am not sure what they were doing.

It was perfection in its simpleness.

The Birthday That Wasn’t / So This is 40

I had big plans for my 40^th birthday and, considering I normally don’t like celebrating my birthday, this was big for me.  It was going to be epic: 40 days and 40 nights of celebration leading up to the big day in September.  There was going to be a girl’s weekend in SLO, a week-long wellness retreat in Mexico and a two week vacation in Italy with all of my closest friends and family invited.  I had already put a deposit down on our villa in Tuscany at the end of February, had drafted up the email to everyone to lock in the dates and had started planning out the details of flights, logistics and what to pack/wear. 

Two weeks later and everything was cancelled… but, as I celebrated my birthday stateside this past weekend, I am truly not bothered by it. To be honest, while it would have been amazing to see all of my friends and family, the idea of traveling to Europe and hosting a week-long celebration in Tuscany actually sounds exhausting.

I guess this is what being 40 means: hedging expectations, settling for the easiest option and finding contentment in that decision.

Psychological mind games aside, my birthday was incredibly nice. Similar to last year, we spent the occasion up at Dunsmuir, breakfast champagne and afternoon cocktails and all. And while we couldn’t have dinner at Café Maddalena’s, we were able to enjoy fresh picked blackberries with vanilla ice cream for dessert, which is all I had asked for. 

Words of Wisdom to My Kids

With the kids back in school I have found myself missing my time with them and fretting over our decision to send them back.  We were just starting to really bond and find a good routine.  And I was loving seeing them pick up on all of our mannerisms and life’s lessons.

And with all of my “free time” it has gotten me thinking about how I will eventually teach them about the bigger things in life especially when the daily stuff (like naps, diapers, etc go away) and we are ambushed by the responsibilities of raising an empathetic, caring citizen. Below are some of my initial thoughts, although I am are sure I will continue to add to the list. And hopefully I can use this as a cheat sheet for the key messages that I will want to get across when the time eventually comes.

There really is only one thing you need to know and that is the golden rule (you know treat others how you would like to be treated).... but at times that perfect rule might seem too short and broad to provide any guidance. So here are some additional thoughts to live by.

Never try to play catch up. It never ends well.

Puberty and high school are rough but they are just a blip in your life. I promise you won’t remember why it was so rough in just a few years. So keep your head down and your eye on the prize of graduation.

Be firm in your beliefs, but remember the power and freeness of letting things go.

You will at times experience big emotions (love, pain, hurt, loneliness, of sense of being lost, betrayal, joy, jealousy and so many more). It is good to embrace and acknowledge these emotions. Hold on to the good ones and remember that the bad ones diminish over time so don’t let them consume you.

Be kind to one another. I know siblings can seem at times like their only role in life is to make you miserable but trust me they are the only ones who will be able to laugh with you about your childhood, commiserate with you about your crazy parents and truly understand you and all of your flaws and still love you.

When it comes to sex you are going to hear and be taught that “no means no”. That is important but not enough. You should really live by only “yes means yes”. Only a verbal yes (not a head nod or wink) is okay. Anything other than a verbal yes and we have a serious problem and I have failed as a parent.

Sex can and should be fun and enjoyable. And it should ideally involve someone you love but at a minimum should be with someone whom you share mutual respect, especially someone who will respect your decision if you want to stop.

You will be offered and maybe curious about drugs. When this happens ask Uncle Cody. In the meantime, in the words of the famous addict and lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers, Anthony Kedis: “Your first time will always be your best time... so be prepared for a lifetime of disappointment thereafter.”

Never let anyone tell you that you aren’t enough. If they feel that way, acknowledge it and move on, there are too many people, friends, jobs, opportunities out there to waste time on someone who doesn’t believe in you.

However never turn down constructive criticism. Done honestly, it is the best gift someone can give you. Take it and then choose what you want to do with it.

Write thank you notes.

A good attitude and a willingness to learn and improve is way more valuable in life then having all of the answers.

Try new foods. You don’t have to like to, but you have to at least try it. Same goes for traveling new places, trying new things and meeting new people.

There is a fine balance between the fear of experiencing new things and true fear. It is important to learn the difference. The best way is to trust your gut. If something doesn’t seem safe or feel right, then don’t do it.

Embrace diversity and the differences in people, whether it is their culture, skin color, opinion, religious beliefs, up-bringing, whatever.

And as for those theological differences, you don’t have to agree however it is important listen and try to understand a different point of view. Remember the smartest people on the planet at one time thought the sun went around the earth. You might be the smartest one too, but you could still be wrong.

Okay, that is all I can think of for now, but I am sure I will add to this list as you grow.  What else did I miss?

Aging Gracefully?

“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash” - Sofia Tucker

I have no idea who Sofia Tucker is, but this quote (which I found in a joke book about turning 50 at Dunsmuir) struck home. She almost has it right...however I think a woman needs cash starting around 40. Cash has definitely helped me in my unpreventable slide into 40.

To back it up, I am incredibly thankful that my parents raised me to have confidence in myself and to not place too much stock in my external appearance. I was raised to believe that beauty and happiness comes from confidence and a sense of self, so that, instead of fancy clothes, shiny hair or flawless makeup, is all that ultimately matters. And I truly believe it. I have never felt the need to alter who I am to make me seem more attractive or desirable... okay I might have had a few moments during my teens and twenties and I am sure Martin would appreciate a little effort here and there, but overall I stand by that statement.

And yet... with 40 quickly approaching I have found the willingness, time and money to make a few investments in myself this past year. Call it denial, call it vanity, or call it self-care... hell you can even blame the pandemic...I deep down might not be aging as gracefully as I had expected given how I was raised. And with this process, it has taken some cash.

Hair removal, hair replacement, fancy hair dryers, personal trainers, life coaches, medical repairs, newest gadgets, clothing rentals. I am and have been down for it all this past year. I have spared no expense and am willing to consider any option to help with the inevitable onset of age and to undo the past five years of pregnancies, breastfeeding and general child rearing. No joke, I even bought a fancy new lipstick in the midst of a mask wearing pandemic.

And is any of it really helping? No, not really. I still look like the same old me, just now maybe with tinted lips. But overall there is more than a little joy in splurging a little bit on just me. Everything else in my life seems to be shared with the family so it is nice once in a while for a little indulgence and self-care.

Summer on the North Coast of California

Warning the below post might come across sounding like a self-centered, ungrateful white girl. And, as the post is mostly about my memories from when I was younger, they probably are from a self-centered, ungrateful white girl. I just hope that I have matured a bit since then.

Growing up, we spent a lot of time at the beach: whether in Santa Cruz while my dad surfed or up the coast while my dad dove for abalone. My memories of these times, like all of my memories growing up are sparse but vivid; like 10 second clips from a very graphic movie that cuts in and out of my life every few months or years. Cut to me as a young teenager… I can smell the salty air, ripe with the stench of drying kelp on the beach covered with sand flies. I can see the wind whipping my hair into a rat’s nest that will take days to untangle. I can feel the cold fog in my bones even through my sweatshirt and long-sleeved shirt covering my bathing suit put on with the dismal hope of a nice day for laying out. And finally there is me leaving the beach feeling sticky and dirty after a day shivering in the elements, ready for a warm shower. Alas, my beach days were not always like those I had envisioned... Mine were the days on the North Coast of California not the warm sandy beach days of Southern California.

And now with every weekend spent up the coast at Timber Cove, with the summer fog and gloom in full effect, I can’t help to revert to those memories.

A sunny mild day? I am bundled up waiting for the fog to roll in and ruin the fun. A walk along the beach? Every light touch on my legs I assume is a sand fly or bug ready to attack. A light breeze? Might as well be an Arctic storm.

It might sound extreme, but childhood memories (either real or imagined) can impact people in crazy ways. And I may be prone to dramatics.  But thankfully, slowly but surely, I am getting a little better at embracing the elements and appreciating my surroundings…

And as for that maturity that hope I have gained? I now realize that the issue wasn’t of location or lack of beauty or fun, but mostly of bad expectations (and of course my being selfish and ungrateful).  Growing up, I wanted and therefore expected warm sandy beaches, and that was definitely not the case in most situations.  And it is that desire that set me up for disappointment. If I had just appreciated the moments for what they were, I would have been so much happier.  For instance I now love a cold foggy windy day at the beach… it gives me the perfect excuse to stay inside and read a book while occasionally looking out at the winter weather in summer. 

Just another warm sunny summer day on the coast...

Alva Turns 2

On July 31 Alva turned two and so in these times of pandemic, we celebrated not with a party but with cake for breakfast and cake for afternoon snack. And then cake again on Saturday and once more on Sunday. Because really what else are you supposed to do?

An extrovert in quarantine

At this point in the shelter in place / social distancing life my favorite game to play is “why am I so tired”. I play it every day starting around 8am and continue until 5pm when I can start counting down the hours until the kids go to bed and I can turn off my mind before getting my 8+ hours of sleep in.

Potential answers include: lack of exercise, lack of outside time, dehydration, need for caffeine, general boredom, general depression and my favorite, being an extrovert with no one to hang out with.

Yes, the first few are probably the correct answer, but hear me out in the last one. Extroverts by definition get energy from social engagement and don’t do so well in solitude. And in even more so, extroverts can actually lose energy if they spend too much time alone.

And so with me being an extrovert with no one to hang out with, my energy levels have plummeted. I find myself getting excited and energized talking to random people on the street for as little as 30 seconds. I mean, I verbally bear-hugged a women who wanted to briefly talk about blackberries when we were picking them last weekend.

Yes, I could probably fix the issue with a little exercise and fresh air (or at least reduce the effects), but my money is on the final answer. So to all of my fellow extroverts out there: I feel you. Hopefully we will be able to get together soon and finally recharge our batteries like our fellow introverts have been doing since March.

And in the meantime I am going to leverage this as an excuse for my weekly zoom happy hours and drive-by social visits with friends and family.

Moments of Joy

These are some crazy times we are in, and even more so because they already feel normal. The world is falling apart, the economy has shut down, politics are interfering with rational discourse and science, and countless people are dying from an untreatable disease of COVID and from a curable disease of racism. It is enough to make you want to curl up in bed and not get up until next year. And yet, with my glass half full optimism, I can’t help but see the positives that will hopefully arise from the ashes of this mess and the positive changes that I have already seen in my own life.

On a national and global level, I truly hope this miserable year is what we needed to reevaluate our priorities and reflect on the systems and government we have in place (or should but don’t): lack of health care and general safety net for everyone, systematic racism, lack of funding for education and other social services but plenty for police and prisons, a need for scientific based decisions and rational thinking. This year has been a really hard pill to swallow (and it is only June) but I am hoping it is what we need to see how broken we currently are. I am still processing everything on the macro level and have no way to actually articulate how I feel without fear of offending someone, so let me do what this blog does best: focus on me and my immediate bubble of a life.

On a personal level, the last few months have been a blessing in disguise. And I do realize I am coming from a place of privilege and everything here after will reek of that privilege: Martin and I both still have our great jobs and solid health care, our families and friends are healthy and as a couple we have been able to balance it all and make it work, thus preventing us from a growing resentment that many may be experiencing after four months at home trying to juggle work, kids, spouse, sleep and sanity... although don’t kid yourself, things aren’t perfect here: we have our pet peeves and moments. For example the man refuses to pre-wash dishes before haphazardly loading the dishwasher resulting in multiple runs required... I swear he put a whole chicken leg in there recently, but overall we are making it work.

But I digress.

Prior to the shelter in place, Martin and I both complained about the daily hustle of our lives. I am not sure why we were always so busy or rushed, but it always felt like we were on a hamster wheel of life... wake up early to be out of the house by 8 so we could drop off the kids together and still be to work by 9/9:30 just so Martin could pick them up around 4 so they could play and get dinner going and I could still make it home at 5:30 (after barely working 8 hours) for approximately 30 minutes of allotted quality time before family dinner at 6 followed by bedtime routine and in bed by 7 (7:30 at the latest) to ensure the kids were asleep early enough so we could be up the next morning to do it all over again. Just typing that makes me exhausted.

Shelter in place has changed all that. With no hard timelines, we have been able to relax into each day and enjoy each moment that the day brings. Surprisingly, or maybe not, knowing me, we are still on a loose schedule but with no need to hustle out the front door each morning, life has significantly changed for the better in this aspect.

Below are some of the moments of joy that have been appreciated a little more due to the SIP.

With no big rush to get out the door each morning we have slowly adapted our routine to include a little more time in bed each morning. And even better, the kids (still on their original schedule) haven’t objected to the weekday morning snuggles and sillies in our bed.

With no commute home each evening I have been able to help plan and cook dinners a lot more often, something I actually enjoy doing and have missed due to the earlier dinnertime. I have not only embraced old recipes but have attempted quite a few new dishes thanks to friends, saved newspaper clippings and my trusty Lafayette Collection Cookbook. I have attempted, with varying degrees of success: prime rib, carnitas, al pastor tacos, lentil chili, red lentil curry, Dutch apple pancakes, everything. The jury is still out on my overall skills... after a failed attempt at zucchini muffins in Dunsmuir Oskar declared I wasn’t a very good “cooker”. However later that evening he said I was a better cooker than Martin, and subsequently called me the best cooker so not sure how to take that one. The two first statements are probably correct.

As much as I enjoy cooking, we feel like it is a priority and responsibility to continue to support our local businesses and restaurants. So each week we do one night of takeout for dinner (and it typically falls on Sunday night when we drive back from Timber Cove or Dunsmuir). We have broadened our local favorites to include North Beach Sushi (for uncooked fish as Oskar describes it), Italian Homemade Pasta Company (for the “tower” pasta aka lasagna), and Yarsa for Nepalese which has become our favorite go to. Even better, most restaurants now offer drinks and cocktails to go... a dangerous combination when you can order ahead and don’t need to wait for the server to bring you another one.

Embracing our love of and longing for restaurants, we have started playing “restaurant” at home. The activity typically involves Oskar, Alva and I “driving” to the store to buy groceries (with detours to the boat shop, race car shop and gas station) then cooking the food and serving meals at Oskar’s restaurant. The total activity guarantees at least 30 minutes of fun and constant creativity from the kids.

We have continued our tradition of super silly suppers and expanded with a new addition...after Oskar heard about one of Martin and my date nights we have expanded our options to include super fancy supper. To my surprise Oskar had more fun dressing up and drinking his juice out of a wine glass than wearing pajamas and having breakfast for dinner!

Martin has embraced the quarantine lifestyle and has started baking sourdough bread. He is successful in most, but not all attempts, and has expanded his cache to include pizza dough and cinnamon rolls. Oskar and Martin made the most delicious cinnamon rolls from his starter up at Dunsmuir during Alva’s nap time and while I was working upstairs. I was on a work call when they were ready but Oskar quietly knocked on the door to deliver the fresh, out of the oven, treat along with a hot coffee. Seeing the pride and joy in his face made my week.

Hmmmm, so I swear my moments of joy aren’t just food related...? It just made sense to lump them all together.

As our screen time increased Martin and I decided to introduce movie nights to the family. Every Friday or Sunday night (depending on travel) we make the couch into a bed and watch a movie. It has been fun re-watching some old favorites and discovering new movies with the kids for the first time. And while Alva gets a little bored or sidetracked sometimes, Oskar is always thoroughly engaged and has plenty of questions or stories to retell afterwards.

In addition to the big traditions and routines, I have embraced even those little moments of joy. Like when both kids grab their favorite books, and pile onto my lap on the ground for story time. Or hearing / watching Oskar “read” Blue Hat, Green Hat to Alva, making her laugh at the turkey’s silly antics. Or how Oskar always picks me wild flowers to put in a vase on the table when we are up in Timber Cove or Dunsmuir.

It has been so fun watching the kids grow and learn each day. They pick up on things so quickly... Oskar now speaks just as much German as English (and talks to me in German too), every once in a while I hear the both kids repeat phrases and sayings that I know they picked up from me, and it seems like everyday they are showing me something new I had never noticed before.  For example, Oskar has taken to saying “that just happened” when something goes wrong (very similar to Martin’s “it got put somewhere” when he misplaces something).  And Alva loves just saying “Hi Mama/Papa/Oskar” when there is a gap in conversation or she wants attention.

It is crazy to think that spending this much time with the family was never on my radar to make a larger priority in my life (what with the hustle and all) and I was content with the 30 minutes of play time each evening. But as each day goes by I appreciate it that much more and am a little more afraid we will revert back to our old ways once things go back to normal normal. It is going to take a concerted effort, but one I am willing to prioritize.