Maternity Leave

Starting around January, the reality of this pregnancy finally began to sink in, and with it, was the realization of four months "off" of work through Maternity Leave. So, after what seemed like a long, slow end to work, including wrapping up final projects and getting the year-end audit completed, my Maternity Leave officially began Saturday May 21!   And similar to my one week of being a lady of leisure, I had plans.  

I was going to spend Saturday with my mom at the de Young Museum and the Oscar de la Renta exhibit, viewing all of the pretty dresses that I would never be able to afford, let alone fit into. Buckles and I were going to have lunch and an afternoon of strolling the promenade in Sausalito (including the obligatory double scoop of ice cream from Lambert's) to kick off the Summer of Buckles and Gimbel.   On Wednesday I had to run errands including a doctor's appointment in the morning, a last minute trip to Ikea, a meeting with the newborn photographer in the afternoon, and then dinner at my parent’s house for my grandpa’s birthday.  Thursday was slated for a final prenatal massage and Friday I had a long overdue dentist appointment scheduled.  And the rest of the week and following free days were to be spent relaxing, getting a pedicure, a haircut, possibly some other "nesting" related activities and finally watching all three Godfather movies uninterrupted. 

Things were going great and just as planned.  That is until Thursday morning when I woke up to cramps and for lack of a more delicate term, slow leakage.  To be fair the leakage began earlier in the week, but I thought nothing of it.  After a quick Google search which prompted a call to the doctor, Martin and I were set with an appointment for later that day to confirm what I was expecting, I peed myself.  So in the meantime, we went out to a nice lunch in the neighborhood and began making plans for the afternoon and dinner that night.  Unfortunately like all great plans, this one had a different outcome, at 1pm, our doctor confirmed that my water had broken (and most likely had earlier in the week) and I needed to go to the hospital right away.    Baby B was coming... and my plans for the rest of the week (and I am guessing any and all future plans) were tossed to the wind thanks to the new boss in town.

It is go time!

Preparing to be Unprepared

Child-birthing, Newborn Prep, Breastfeeding and Infant CPR classes completed?  Check. Car seat installed?  Check.  Nursery set up; Weeks ago.  Bag Packed?  Of course.  Birth plan typed, printed and packed in both hospital bag, saved on laptop and on iPhone?  Check.  Prepared dinners in the freezer?  Check.   Baby name picked out?  We at least have a short list.  List of important numbers to call once he arrives (Doula, Insurance, Pre-School (kidding, but not), Baby Photographer).  Check.

At officially 39 and a half weeks, and being the overly prepared, logistical planning, Type A control freak that I am, Martin and I have been physically and conventionally ready for Baby Breuer’s arrival for weeks.   We are, by all standards, “Prepared.”

However one thing I am not prepared for and don’t believe I will ever truly be prepared for, is mentally becoming a mom.  It is the great unknown and is the biggest commitment I have ever signed up for.  As it was recently put:  becoming a mom for the first time is like starting a new job, although one that you have no training for, no true knowledge about or previous skills you can leverage.  One where your boss doesn’t talk to you, doesn’t give you feedback and only yells and screams when something is needed.  A job where sleep is secondary and someone’s life actually does depend on you showing up mentally each and every moment.  It puts my past 14+ year career, demands and accomplishments in perspective.

And so, while we might be physically ready for the big day, I am mentally preparing myself to be unprepared as to what may come after the bundle of joy arrives.  I am preparing for the worst (sleepless days and nights, lack of energy, irritability with both Baby and Martin, uncontrollable emotions, a sense of self-loss, endless loads of laundry, lack of bathing, and loneliness) while deep down hoping for the best (a healthy baby whose daily interactions and advancements will make it all bearable). 

I am off to embark on the next great adventure and know that when I return I will never be the same person again.  I will be a mom.   

See you all on the other side!