I Feel Dirty

With Easter Brunch at my sister’s house on Sunday locked in, I planned a nice little get away for Martin and I in Calistoga for that Saturday night.  And what would a trip to Calistoga be without a dip in the world-famous mud bathes!

After some serious research, I booked the couples experience at the Golden Haven Mud Baths.  Our treatment was to include a dip in the world famous mud followed by a cleansing shower, whirlpool in the mineral water and then a blanket wrap to help in the cool down process.  Excited for something new, I told all of my co-workers and was provided with only a mild warning:  it is very hot and the mud gets everywhere.  I wish they had included a few more details.

We arrived at the spa thirty minutes early and used the time to get some sun at the pool.   Thankfully we had brought our bathing suits…we weren’t going to need them for the actual treatment and packed them as an afterthought.  At promptly 3pm we were led into our treatment room, a decent sized room with an L-shaped tub in one corner, showers along the wall to our right and a whirlpool in the opposite corner.  My first reaction: the room was filled with a pungent, unidentifiable smell: not quite sulfur, not quite mud, something just in between.  That smell filled our noses and the experience until we left for the blanket wrap (and I swear I could still smell it on occasion throughout the rest of the night). 

Our attendant gave us the breakdown of the process and walked us through the benefits of the mud.  But more importantly she gave us instructions on how to get into the mud.  Unlike a water bath that you can just step into, the mud is heated from the bottom, so the closer to the bottom, the hotter and sweatier the experience.  For the mud bath, we had to sit on the side of the tub and shimmy our way “into” the bath and, once floating on top of the mud (because this was not fine, silky mud but rather thick sticky mud) we had to wiggle, shake and force ourselves into submission…imagine lying naked in a mud hole, wiggling and pressing your body into the dirt…mud was literally getting everywhere and I was the one forcing it.

Once submerged, the attendant came back into the room to help cover any missed, uncovered spots and to apply a honey and thyme mud mask (because no part of me should be clean…although it did help to damper the smell).  And then she left again for us to relax and enjoy the moment.  Martin and I lay there motionless, unable to move for fear of getting dirtier (if possible) and trying to figure out what the hype was all about.  We were hot, sweating profusely, inhaling toxic fumes and the only respite we had was the cold washcloth on our forehead.  Oh and did I mention the shower cap?  Yeah, I was rocking one of those, making my head itchy as well. 

After what felt like an eternity, our attendant came back in and told us our ten minutes were up and it was time to shower and enjoy the whirlpool.  But first, and in this order: Martin had to throw mud at me like the grown adult he is; we had to get out to the tub with the same level of care as getting in; and finally remove the mud from every orifice of our bodies.  It took ten minutes in the shower to finally remove all physical traces of the mud and then we were back to sweating, this time in the whirlpool spa.

The best part of the experience was being led from the pungent mud room to the spa room (an oasis of calm and clean with eucalyptus scents in the air and soothing music) for our blank wrap (aka nap time).  We were wrapped in hot blankets and left to relax for fifteen minutes…I took the opportunity to take a nap…Martin alleges that he didn’t fall asleep but I swear I heard a few snores coming from his direction. We were woken up at 4 and led to the final shower of the day and then said goodbye to our attendant. While I felt relaxed, I am not sure how much was due to the mud and what was thanks to the nap. 

Our walk home Martin and I reflected on the afternoon and agreed: while an interesting experience, we do not feel the need to ever do it again.  And in respects to the health benefits I think I prefer a naked sauna with the Europeans than having to sit in the mud again.