Moments of Joy

These are some crazy times we are in, and even more so because they already feel normal. The world is falling apart, the economy has shut down, politics are interfering with rational discourse and science, and countless people are dying from an untreatable disease of COVID and from a curable disease of racism. It is enough to make you want to curl up in bed and not get up until next year. And yet, with my glass half full optimism, I can’t help but see the positives that will hopefully arise from the ashes of this mess and the positive changes that I have already seen in my own life.

On a national and global level, I truly hope this miserable year is what we needed to reevaluate our priorities and reflect on the systems and government we have in place (or should but don’t): lack of health care and general safety net for everyone, systematic racism, lack of funding for education and other social services but plenty for police and prisons, a need for scientific based decisions and rational thinking. This year has been a really hard pill to swallow (and it is only June) but I am hoping it is what we need to see how broken we currently are. I am still processing everything on the macro level and have no way to actually articulate how I feel without fear of offending someone, so let me do what this blog does best: focus on me and my immediate bubble of a life.

On a personal level, the last few months have been a blessing in disguise. And I do realize I am coming from a place of privilege and everything here after will reek of that privilege: Martin and I both still have our great jobs and solid health care, our families and friends are healthy and as a couple we have been able to balance it all and make it work, thus preventing us from a growing resentment that many may be experiencing after four months at home trying to juggle work, kids, spouse, sleep and sanity... although don’t kid yourself, things aren’t perfect here: we have our pet peeves and moments. For example the man refuses to pre-wash dishes before haphazardly loading the dishwasher resulting in multiple runs required... I swear he put a whole chicken leg in there recently, but overall we are making it work.

But I digress.

Prior to the shelter in place, Martin and I both complained about the daily hustle of our lives. I am not sure why we were always so busy or rushed, but it always felt like we were on a hamster wheel of life... wake up early to be out of the house by 8 so we could drop off the kids together and still be to work by 9/9:30 just so Martin could pick them up around 4 so they could play and get dinner going and I could still make it home at 5:30 (after barely working 8 hours) for approximately 30 minutes of allotted quality time before family dinner at 6 followed by bedtime routine and in bed by 7 (7:30 at the latest) to ensure the kids were asleep early enough so we could be up the next morning to do it all over again. Just typing that makes me exhausted.

Shelter in place has changed all that. With no hard timelines, we have been able to relax into each day and enjoy each moment that the day brings. Surprisingly, or maybe not, knowing me, we are still on a loose schedule but with no need to hustle out the front door each morning, life has significantly changed for the better in this aspect.

Below are some of the moments of joy that have been appreciated a little more due to the SIP.

With no big rush to get out the door each morning we have slowly adapted our routine to include a little more time in bed each morning. And even better, the kids (still on their original schedule) haven’t objected to the weekday morning snuggles and sillies in our bed.

With no commute home each evening I have been able to help plan and cook dinners a lot more often, something I actually enjoy doing and have missed due to the earlier dinnertime. I have not only embraced old recipes but have attempted quite a few new dishes thanks to friends, saved newspaper clippings and my trusty Lafayette Collection Cookbook. I have attempted, with varying degrees of success: prime rib, carnitas, al pastor tacos, lentil chili, red lentil curry, Dutch apple pancakes, everything. The jury is still out on my overall skills... after a failed attempt at zucchini muffins in Dunsmuir Oskar declared I wasn’t a very good “cooker”. However later that evening he said I was a better cooker than Martin, and subsequently called me the best cooker so not sure how to take that one. The two first statements are probably correct.

As much as I enjoy cooking, we feel like it is a priority and responsibility to continue to support our local businesses and restaurants. So each week we do one night of takeout for dinner (and it typically falls on Sunday night when we drive back from Timber Cove or Dunsmuir). We have broadened our local favorites to include North Beach Sushi (for uncooked fish as Oskar describes it), Italian Homemade Pasta Company (for the “tower” pasta aka lasagna), and Yarsa for Nepalese which has become our favorite go to. Even better, most restaurants now offer drinks and cocktails to go... a dangerous combination when you can order ahead and don’t need to wait for the server to bring you another one.

Embracing our love of and longing for restaurants, we have started playing “restaurant” at home. The activity typically involves Oskar, Alva and I “driving” to the store to buy groceries (with detours to the boat shop, race car shop and gas station) then cooking the food and serving meals at Oskar’s restaurant. The total activity guarantees at least 30 minutes of fun and constant creativity from the kids.

We have continued our tradition of super silly suppers and expanded with a new addition...after Oskar heard about one of Martin and my date nights we have expanded our options to include super fancy supper. To my surprise Oskar had more fun dressing up and drinking his juice out of a wine glass than wearing pajamas and having breakfast for dinner!

Martin has embraced the quarantine lifestyle and has started baking sourdough bread. He is successful in most, but not all attempts, and has expanded his cache to include pizza dough and cinnamon rolls. Oskar and Martin made the most delicious cinnamon rolls from his starter up at Dunsmuir during Alva’s nap time and while I was working upstairs. I was on a work call when they were ready but Oskar quietly knocked on the door to deliver the fresh, out of the oven, treat along with a hot coffee. Seeing the pride and joy in his face made my week.

Hmmmm, so I swear my moments of joy aren’t just food related...? It just made sense to lump them all together.

As our screen time increased Martin and I decided to introduce movie nights to the family. Every Friday or Sunday night (depending on travel) we make the couch into a bed and watch a movie. It has been fun re-watching some old favorites and discovering new movies with the kids for the first time. And while Alva gets a little bored or sidetracked sometimes, Oskar is always thoroughly engaged and has plenty of questions or stories to retell afterwards.

In addition to the big traditions and routines, I have embraced even those little moments of joy. Like when both kids grab their favorite books, and pile onto my lap on the ground for story time. Or hearing / watching Oskar “read” Blue Hat, Green Hat to Alva, making her laugh at the turkey’s silly antics. Or how Oskar always picks me wild flowers to put in a vase on the table when we are up in Timber Cove or Dunsmuir.

It has been so fun watching the kids grow and learn each day. They pick up on things so quickly... Oskar now speaks just as much German as English (and talks to me in German too), every once in a while I hear the both kids repeat phrases and sayings that I know they picked up from me, and it seems like everyday they are showing me something new I had never noticed before.  For example, Oskar has taken to saying “that just happened” when something goes wrong (very similar to Martin’s “it got put somewhere” when he misplaces something).  And Alva loves just saying “Hi Mama/Papa/Oskar” when there is a gap in conversation or she wants attention.

It is crazy to think that spending this much time with the family was never on my radar to make a larger priority in my life (what with the hustle and all) and I was content with the 30 minutes of play time each evening. But as each day goes by I appreciate it that much more and am a little more afraid we will revert back to our old ways once things go back to normal normal. It is going to take a concerted effort, but one I am willing to prioritize.