Life Theories by Lisa

In many respects, this year, and especially these past few months, has been a doozy.  It has been a true rollercoaster of highs and lows.  In the past month alone: I cried upon hearing about the death of RBG, I had some amazing moments of joy with the kids, I cried again when I heard the news that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were elected to the highest positions in the US and then I somehow signed myself up to become Chair of the Parent Advisory Committee at school (almost as great of an honor).

So in an effort to lighten things up and get back to basics, below are a few of my many life theories that I have embraced or developed over the years… some may be more applicable to my 20s, but I still think they hold true even today.

Buffalo Theory: I can’t take credit for this one, as I learned it from someone in college but I still think of it often… the original concept goes something like this: In a herd of buffalos, the slowest and weakest are the first ones that get picked off by predators leaving the pack stronger overall.  In college, we applied this theory to brain cells and drinking, whereby the daily intake of alcohol killed only your slowest and weakest brain cells thereby leaving you smarter in the long run.  Today, I have been applying this theory to the grey hairs I keep finding in my hair brush… I refuse to admit that due to the basic law of averages, the number of grey hairs in my hair brush is in direct relation to the number of grey hairs on my head.  Instead I subscribe to the buffalo theory that the grey hairs are just the weakest ones and therefore the ones most likely to fall out and in turn making me less grey.  

Shampoo Theory:  Another classic from college, the theory goes that when washing your hair, the first time you shampoo your hair in the shower the bubbles are normal. However, if you immediately shampoo again with the same amount (e.g. rinse and repeat), the bubbles are significantly greater.  When drinking, if you don’t fully sober up before you start drinking again (e.g. you start drinking the morning after a big night out), it takes less alcohol to get you drunk.  These days, the lack of sleep and incremental stress of life is a better proxy.  If I never get a weekend to sleep in, destress and unwind (say via a weekend away with the girls), it takes less stress and less sleep to put me in a terrible mood.  

DSW Theory: Not to be confused with the theory of relativity, this theory is all mine and one I stumbled upon years ago when out shopping with some friends.  A friend wanted to go into DSW to look for some shoes so I stepped inside to wait for her.  One lap around the store and nothing looked good, in fact it all looked cheap and slightly out of style.  Ten minutes later and another lap around the store, I had found a few things that I thought might be cute, but would never buy.  Twenty minutes later and I had found the most amazing pair of shoes ever and had to have them.  I still own the purple polka dot heels as a reminder that this issue can and does happen all the time; whether you are in a small town, in a crowded bar or perusing the menu at Denny’s, it truly is universal.

Separated From the Herd: It is a known fact that it is easier to pick off (or pick-up) a woman when she is separated from her group of friends. 

Fishing Lure Theory: This one is still a work in process and I am not especially fond of the name, so I am open to suggestions. In short, I have spent a lot of time watching Planet Earth and other animal related shows and found it interesting that for most species it is typically the male that puts on a show (whether it is fancy feathers or elaborate dances) to attract a mate. Whereas for humans, in general, it is the women who go full peacock when out on the town.  It got me wondering as to why things were backwards for us.  But then one day, when looking at my red painted toe nails underwater and reflecting that they looked like fishing lures, I realized I had it all wrong.  The fancy make-up, high end clothes and countless other ways we preen ourselves for going out are less about attracting the opposite sex and more about intimidating our competition.  A guy doesn’t care about your fancy painted toe nails and probably won’t even notice them.  But you do, and other women do, giving you an extra boost of confidence that does make a difference to men.

There are plenty more theories up in my head that will take some time to articulate, but thought you might get a kick out of these in the meantime!