Preparing to be Unprepared

Child-birthing, Newborn Prep, Breastfeeding and Infant CPR classes completed?  Check. Car seat installed?  Check.  Nursery set up; Weeks ago.  Bag Packed?  Of course.  Birth plan typed, printed and packed in both hospital bag, saved on laptop and on iPhone?  Check.  Prepared dinners in the freezer?  Check.   Baby name picked out?  We at least have a short list.  List of important numbers to call once he arrives (Doula, Insurance, Pre-School (kidding, but not), Baby Photographer).  Check.

At officially 39 and a half weeks, and being the overly prepared, logistical planning, Type A control freak that I am, Martin and I have been physically and conventionally ready for Baby Breuer’s arrival for weeks.   We are, by all standards, “Prepared.”

However one thing I am not prepared for and don’t believe I will ever truly be prepared for, is mentally becoming a mom.  It is the great unknown and is the biggest commitment I have ever signed up for.  As it was recently put:  becoming a mom for the first time is like starting a new job, although one that you have no training for, no true knowledge about or previous skills you can leverage.  One where your boss doesn’t talk to you, doesn’t give you feedback and only yells and screams when something is needed.  A job where sleep is secondary and someone’s life actually does depend on you showing up mentally each and every moment.  It puts my past 14+ year career, demands and accomplishments in perspective.

And so, while we might be physically ready for the big day, I am mentally preparing myself to be unprepared as to what may come after the bundle of joy arrives.  I am preparing for the worst (sleepless days and nights, lack of energy, irritability with both Baby and Martin, uncontrollable emotions, a sense of self-loss, endless loads of laundry, lack of bathing, and loneliness) while deep down hoping for the best (a healthy baby whose daily interactions and advancements will make it all bearable). 

I am off to embark on the next great adventure and know that when I return I will never be the same person again.  I will be a mom.   

See you all on the other side!