Enough

Along with the many other activities and classes offered at Rancho la Puerta, I took the opportunity to attend a writing workshop with poet Myra Cohen. A New Yorker through and through, Myra has established a non-profit organization that brings writers into classrooms and the community to teach poetry.

Thinking back to Martin’s comment about writing being my hobby and anticipating the upcoming release of my book, I thought I should go. I could probably learn a thing or two and it would be interesting to hone my skills.

I definitely learned I am not a poet, but did walk away with a great writing technique that I hope to use in the future. The class opened with Myra giving us a theme, this class it was “What If”. From there we had to write consistently and without stopping for 10 minutes. It didn’t matter if it made sense, if we wrote words, phrases or sentences. The goal was to just write.

From this string of consciousness, we were to then circle words or phrases that jumped out at us and make a poem with it. In 10 minutes.

The process was very cathartic and like all things I didn’t put much thought into it, but I was happy where things landed. Please enjoy my first real poem.

 

Enough

I was warned about the stretch marks and sleepless nights

I was warned about the long days and short years

I was warned about loving your kids so much your heart hurts

 

But nobody warned me about the self-doubt and endless questions

Is that poop normal, should I call the doctor?

Why won’t they sleep?

What can they, what should they, what do they want to do

Am I doing “it”, this whole parenting thing, right

And the constant barrage of what ifs.

 

What if they never learn to swim?

What if they are bullied at school?

What if they are a bully?

What if my kids can’t find joy in the little things?

What if they can’t see how amazing they are?

What if they grow to resent me?

 

What if I mess them up?

What if I am messed up?

What if I made a mess?

What if I made a mess and didn’t clean it up?

 

Can I live with that?

Do I want to live with that?

Should I live with that?

 

I don’t know

I don’t really know anything

Except how to be me

With all of my flaws, failures, tics and fears

And hopefully that is enough

It has to be enough

Because I am enough

And yet… what if I am not.

Not too bad for a ten minute try.